


Feelings unknown

by Eriklover7502



Category: Phantom of the Opera (2004)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-08
Updated: 2016-09-02
Packaged: 2018-08-07 12:24:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,650
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7714762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Eriklover7502/pseuds/Eriklover7502
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been a year since the chandelier accident, and everyone is back at the opera. They are wanting everything to be back to normal, for some it's easy.. others it's not</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

A/N: hi everyone this is my first fic, and I hope you all enjoy feel free to leave a comment I'm open to constructive criticism but please be nice I'm new to this and I'm sorry if there are some grammar errors I do not own anything I'm doing this for fun this is gonna be multiple chapters so if you like subscribe :-) this chapter will be short I didn't wanna give to much away before I see how people respond to my story 

 

Chapter one: normalcy 

 

" Christine Christine!" Meg's says " come on Armand, and Firmin want to speak with all of us. " Alright I'm coming." I say back. I pull on my shoes, and we exit our room. Meg was happy to be back at the opera house, and I was too ive lived here since I was a child so it was home to me. Meg was going on about some nonsense that Armand, and Firmin had been complaining about, but I was paying no attention. My thoughts were never were they should be, and I don't know why. As Armand and Firmin spoke I scanned the familiar theatre, and as I looked around that feeling came back.   
Ive been haunted with this horrible feeling of despair. That's the best way to describe it I was always uneasy, It rarely went away, and I don't know why I felt this way. I worried everyone was starting to notice I was always getting weird looks, and those closest to me were always asking questions. I never had answers for them though how do I answer questions I can't answer myself?   
" Miss Daaé Miss Daaé!" Armand yelled. I snapped to attention to discover everyone had been staring at me, apparently Armand had been trying to get my attention for some time. " Yes sir?" I asked trying to hide the embarrassment in my voice. " We wanted to know if you would play the lead on our upcoming opera, but if you cannot pay attention we will have to cast someone else." Armand said dryly. If I was wanting to convince everyone I wasn't damaged from the accident a year ago there was no way I could turn it down.   
" I'm sorry sir I'd love to play the lead." I said warmly. Meg looked at me with both concern, and confusion. " We will talk about it more next week when the singing rehearsals are to begin ." Armand said coldly. " Everyone is dismissed we will see you next week." Firmin said sounding exasperated.   
I got up, and left quickly walking towards my room quickly. I hear Meg running to catch up to me. " Christine Christine wait up!" She yells. I slow my walking knowing what's about to come. " Can we talk?" She asks as we approach our room. I nodded, and opened the door, she takes my hand and we sit down on the bed. " Are you alright Christine?" Meg asks the concern in her face becoming more apparent. " Yes of course." I say warmly trying to reassure her. Meg looks at me with frustration " what was that back there? " " Oh I was looking around at the old theatre, and didn't hear Armand speak." I lie. Meg raises an eyebrow " really Meg I'm fine if I had a problem I'd tell you ." I say smiling   
We are interrupted by a knock at the door " Meg, Christine are you in there?" It was Raoul. " Yes come in." Meg says back. Raoul opens the door, and enters the room. He says hello to Meg, and smiles at me warmly, I smile back. " Is everything ok?" He asks looking back, and forth between us. " Yes ." I jump up , and say before Meg can say anything. Meg's gives me a cold look , and I glare at her the last thing I want is Raoul worried about me. " Well I will catch you guys later." Meg's says " I promised my mother I'd help her with some things, Meg's smiles as she leaves the room. As the door latches Raoul kisses me before I have time to react. The kiss was passionate, and warm he caresses my lips like he hasn't seen me in months.   
" Wow." I say as we pull away his arms still wrapped around my waist. He lets go and start to look around at the items on my vanity " so I hear you are to lead in the upcoming opera." He says. I look at him, and shoot him a warm smile " yeah I'm looking forward to it." I say happily hoping he doesn't hear the unsure sound in my voice. " Is this what you want Christine?" He asks concerned. " Yes why wouldn't it be?" I ask starting to get annoyed. " It's just been awhile since you have sang, or been in anything, and we are all concerned." I put my hand up to cut Raoul off. " I assure you I am fine I know you, and everyone else think I'm some damaged little girl but I can take care of myself." I say coldly. Raoul looks at me like I just slapped him. " Ok I was just making sure." He says trying to hide the sadness in his voice. " The hour is late, and I wish to go to bed." I say looking at my feet. I look up at Raoul, and he looks like a puppy that's been kicked away. " I bid you a good night Madame." I feel bad instantly I smile, and grab his arm, and pull him in for a good night kiss. The kiss lingers for a moment we pull away, and he shoots me a smile as he exits the room.  
I change into my nightgown, and get lost in my thoughts once more. As I sit down to brush my hair I feel bad for how I treated Raoul. I know he cares, and so does Meg but I'd just rather be left alone about the subject. I will admit since the accident i haven't felt the same at all, and I don't understand . This feeling was constant except for when I sing when I sing the feeling goes away, and I feel better for a little while. No one has heard me sing in ages I only sing when Im alone , that was also the only time I could find my voice. When I sing I feel a warm, loving, presence surround me, and that's the only time I feel ok. The presence stays as I sing, but when I stop it leaves, and I feel alone once again.   
Alone? The word and it's meaning have become familiar to me actually more apart of me that anything. No matter where I was, or who I was with I felt alone. I've felt this way since a few months after the accident, and I don't know why. I sigh, and put my brush down, I get up to put my clothes in the laundry. As I walk to my bed I hope one day I can feel like myself again, or at least no why I'm haunted by feelings unknown. I blow out the candle on my nightstand, and fall into a deep, dark sleep.   
I awoke screaming, and covered in cold sweat. Meg who must have returned after I had fallen asleep bolts up , and scrambles to me." Christine it's ok it's ok!" She says soothingly hands on both sides of my head. I look at her trying to regain my senses, but my heart is still pounding. I catch my breath, and try to smile at her " I'm sorry Meg it was just a nightmare I'm sorry to scare you." I say trying to reassure her, but she isn't buying it. " Christine what is going on ?" She says sounding on the verge of tears " you don't seem to be getting better we have been back here a few months , and you don't seem to be adjusting at all if anything you've only become more distant." She takes her hands off my face, and grabs one of my own. " Do I need to talk to my mother, we can live somewhere else." I cut her off " Meg it was a nightmare everyone has them im alright I assure you." I say with a reassuring smile. Meg smiles weakly I can tell she doesn't believe me " I'm here for you don't ever think you can't talk to me." Meg gives my hand a gentle squeeze, and goes back to her own bed I smile at her weakly, and lay back down in my own bed.   
What Meg didn't know as this nightmare was very familiar to me I've been having the same one for months, but this time it was worse... much much worse. In the dream I'm always standing singing on the stage, that warm, loving, presence surrounding me giving me hope making me feel like no one, or anything else can, but when I stop it always happens. When I stop singing the theatre goes dark, and the presence goes away. This time the darkness that surrounded me seemed like it's own presence it was cold, and lonely it moved towards me like it wanted to swallow me making sure I'd never feel that warmth, and love again. Tears pool in my eyes why do I feel this way? Why won't it stop? Will I ever be ok again? I let out a sob in my pillow I look behind me at Meg to make sure she didn't hear. As I cry into my pillow I think I hear something I sit up, and look around. It sounded like footsteps, but could see hardly anything in my dark bedroom. Did someone hear my cries? I sit up a little longer, and hear nothing not even a rat I lay back down my eyes are heavy. I don't want to sleep, but for some reason I felt like it was ok.. this darkness in my room had a warm, reassuring feel to it... I felt safe. I roll over, and start to drift off, and as I do I know there will be no more nightmares tonight. I fall into a dark, peaceful, sleep not feeling the hand that stroked my cheek, and hair... or the footsteps that left the room....


	2. complications

A/n: Hi everyone sorry it's taken me so long to update I was discouraged for awhile and I wasn't sure if I was gonna continue but thanks to your kind words I have decided to not abandon this fic :) I hope you all enjoy and again sorry for any grammar mistakes 

 

" Christine it's time to get up." I pop one eye open to see Meg sitting on the edge of my bed greeting me with a warm smile. I smile back, and sit up to stretch. 

" Armand, and Firmin want to go over the first song in the opera with you today during rehearsal." Meg said with a vague sound of worry in her voice 

I look at her trying to hide the fact that I was unsure, and smiled. " Well im as ready as I will ever be." I say trying to ease her obvious concern. 

She smiled weekly " you should dress, and come have breakfast then." I nod, and get up then I realize I don't remember much from the night before. Did I sleep that heavy? I couldn't remember the last time I slept so well that i had no memory of the night before. I shrug it off, dress quickly, and open the door to go eat breakfast. 

As I enter the mess hall I couldn't help but notice Raoul, and Meg eating at a table alone. They seemed to be talking about something important judging from the looks of worry etched upon their faces. I get a small plate of food, and go to join them, but as I approach them their talking ceases, and they both smile at me warmly but fakely. 

" Good morning." I say " anything going on?" I ask suspiciously 

They both look at each other, and Raoul takes my hand 

" Meg told me about you waking up last night screaming." Raoul says softly. I shoot Meg a cold look I had forgotten all about my nightmare, but it's nothing I want Raoul worrying about the last thing I want is more questions. 

" Everyone has nightmares dear." I say reassuringly trying my best to hide my annoyance. "I assure you I am fine." I squeeze his hand, and smile. 

Raoul raises an eyebrow " Christine if you are not ready to be back here you can come stay with me for awhile." I shake my head 

" Raoul I want to be here I really think it's the best place for me right now." I reply with exasperation lining my voice. 

What Raoul didn't realize was that this was half a lie, but I knew leaving here would be the worst thing I could do, cause here was the only place I could find a moment of warmth, hope ,maybe even happiness that was impossible to find elsewhere. 

" You are sure?" He asks unsure. I nod, and look at Meg who offers a supportive grin. 

" We should probably hurry rehearsal will be starting soon." I say trying to change the subject. We finish eating, dispose of our plates, and walk out of the mess hall to the stage. 

As we gather around Armand, and Firmin began to speak about the opera, my thoughts wonder again I slowly began to panic as I think about singing in front of an audience when I've had so much trouble finding my voice. I didn't want this to cause more people to become concerned, the almost constant questions, and worried stares were starting to suffocate me. 

" Miss Daaé." I snap to attention " from the beginning please." Firmin says very accordingly. 

I stand up slowly, and walk to the front of the stage. Everyone was looking at me Raoul, and Meg especially. I take my place, Firmin gives a nod, and the gentle music starts to flow. As my que comes closer I start to panic, My heart starts to race, and I want nothing more than to just run. I try my best to find my voice. 

My voice was scratchy, and sounded fragile. Armand puts his hand up signaling a stop. I look around and all I feared had come to be. Everyone starting at me like they'd just seen a ghost, I couldn't take it 

" C... can I have a moment please." I ask trying to keep my composure. I get an unsure nod from Armand, and I leave the stage quicky trying not to meet anyone's gazes. 

As soon as I'm out of eye sight I run to a room No one comes in anymore, and just let the tears fall. As I sob uncontrollably thinking of facing everyone, facing their questions that I can not answer. I hear something that stills my crying, a voice singing, 

" Wandering child so lost, so helpless, yearning for my guidance 

I wipe my tears, and look around searching for that voice that was all too familiar. 

" Too long you've wondered in winter, far from my fathering gaze" 

Naturally and unconsciously I start singing with him. 

" Wildly my mind beats against you."  
" ( You resist me) yet the soul obeys." 

As I continue to sing I didn't see Raoul peaking at me from the crack I had unknowingly left in the door 

 

 

A/N: sorry it was so short I promise to update more frequently, for those of you that know the song you know that in the last part they were singing together and if you don't know it it's called wondering child from the phantom of the opera look it up :)


	3. Flash back

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Christine has a flash back

A/N: again sorry for any grammar errors and some of my story is taken from the movie just wanted to clear that up

 

 

" Meg have you seen Raoul?" I asked. It has been a couple days since that embarrassing rehearsal, and it feels like everyone was walking on eggshells around me. 

" I have not." Meg replied not even looking at me. I actually had not seen Raoul at all since that day, the day i heard his voice again.

" Oh ok is something wrong?" I ask with frustration starting to become more obvious. Meg looks up at me, and sighs " Christine." She begins " he heard you." She says in almost a whisper. 

I can feel all the blood drain from my face, and my breath seize in my chest. " Oh what did he hear?" I ask trying to play dumb. 

" Christine don't act like you don't know." She says with anger rising In her voice. " He heard him singing to you, and you singing back."

I look down at my feet not wanting to face her, or even think about any of this. I start to realize that maybe I don't have any answer's for anyone is because I fail to give them to myself.

" Meg." I begin my voice shaking. " That's the first time I've heard him since the accident I thought he left this place."

Even if he didn't leave this place, why would he want to do anything to me except kill me. After I betrayed him, and then left him the way I did. The guilt had never left me along with this other feeling that haunted me that I have been trying to push away. 

" Christine he stayed with my mother while the opera house was under construction he was heart broken. He wouldn't eat or sleep, we feared he would die." Meg said with concern in her voice. " I know he has done wrong i know he scared you, and you wanted to be with Raoul, but Christine don't do this again to either of you. I know something has been wrong with you, and I think it's time you come to terms with it not just for your sake." Meg said squeezing my hand with a worried look on her face.

 

Meg gave me a weak smile, and left the room. when the door latched i felt hot tears rimming my eyes, and all the negative things ive felt since that dreadful night started to surface. 

" I never wanted to cause that much pain." I said out loud my voice cracking under the immense guilt that consumed me. 

The tears started to flow as did everything else i felt. " I'm sorry I'm so sorry.... Erik." I yelled out. That was the first time I had allowed myself to speak his name, and the first time I allowed myself to remember.

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_" night time sharpens, heightens each sensation. Darkness stirs and wakes imagination silently the senses abandon their defenses." Erik sang as he offered me his hand helping me out of the boat_

_" Slowly, gently, night unfurls it's splendor. Grasp it sense it tremulous and tender."_

_His voice was like warm milk, and honey echoing through the walls of his lair. It was like it's own presence that seized me, and protected me from any harm or bad feeling._

_" Turn your face away from the garish light of day, turn your thoughts away from cold, unfeeling light, and listen to the music of the night." He sang as he ran his hand down my cheek, and tilting my chin towards him._

_I closed my eyes, and listened to that voice that soothed me since I was a child. There was no other place I wanted to be, even though I have never been here before I felt like I was home."_

_As he finished his song I gave him an unsure smile_

_" Don't be frightened my dear." He says walking towards me extending his hand._

_I take it, and gaze at him why was I so captivated by him. I had never seen him before now, and yet I feel I knew him_

_"I'm sorry." I say shyly " your song was beautiful how did you learn to sing like that?" I ask curiously._

_He walks over to his piano, and sits down. " Well when one has had as much time as I you learn many things." He says offering me a place at the piano " would you like a lesson?" He asks it's obvious he hopes I say yes. I nodded, and walk toward the piano_

_He lets me choose a song, as he begins to play I realize that I had been gazing at him, and missed my cue to start singing, I blush_

_" Oh my I.. I'm so sorry." I say stumbling over my words._

_He chuckes " it happens, shall we try again?" I asks moving a piece of hair from my eyes._

_I nod, and as he starts to play I don't miss my cue this time, but my voice is cracked, and I'm studdering over the words._

_He stops playing, looks at me, and raises an eyebrow._

_" I'm sorry I guess I'm a little bit nervous this is the first time I've met you, and I don't even know your name." He then cuts off my rapid rambling, and grabs my shoulders, and crashes his lips onto mine._

_I didn't even think to give any hesitation. I return his kiss, it's so passionate, he moves his hands down my arms, and meets my hands, he laces his fingers in mine, and moved then to wrap around his neck._

_I find myself not wanting this to end. The feel of his strong arms around my waist the heat, and feel of his lips on mine moving in a natural rhythm that took no thought to follow._

_When he finally pulls away he gives me a sly smile " Erik... my name is Erik." He says caressing my cheek_

Xxxxxxxxxxxxxxx 

 

As I come out of my flashback with tears still falling down my face I hear a soft whisper behind me " Christine."


End file.
